i'm disgusted by a mental picture of my own use of music as a personal expression of success/achievement/aspirations fulfilled/personal validation and am longing for an unashamed surrender to be a horse for Legba, to punch home a specific emotional message by unabashedly using it as an adjunct to moving picture or static image or even *gasp* a live dance/ritual/movement performance...
...because i want to elucidate a response, i want to cause, specifically, a reaction. you know; trying to break your heart and all that because i'm simultaneously in the process of breaking my own.
selfish, yes.
Aaaa
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